I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
false alarm. still invincible.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
