Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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