I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
