a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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