is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
