Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
