So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
