I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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