just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
