WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
