i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
