as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
