Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
