I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
