It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
