I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
