stop calling my apartment porn island.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
