i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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