marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Less talking, more tequila
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
