How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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