Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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