He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
