You just made me feel so damn special
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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