My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
