paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
