I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
