I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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