I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
