sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
