Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
