the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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