for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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