Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
