that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
