It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
