Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
