Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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