So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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