the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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