i already hear my dad disowning me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
