I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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