i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
