i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
