Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need water and some morals
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
