We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
