I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You took a bar mat shot.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
