ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
