chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
