Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
