Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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