..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
